FACING MY INTERNAL BATTLES – I DID IT!
I climbed a mountain that was 5357 meters, which translates to 17,575 feet!
Can you believe it? Never in my entire life would I have thought I’d ever do such a thing.
Holger, my husband, and I went to visit our daughter and her husband, who live in Kathmandu, Nepal, where the Himalayan Mountains sit high and mighty. Several months before our departure, Shawna asked us if we would like to go on a 10-day ‘Trek’ and climb Gokyo Mountain while in Nepal. She and Amos had wanted to go, and it would be a perfect time during our visit in October, the popular Trekking season. My heart was pumping fast and hard as I was pondering this question. My initial reaction was a definite ‘NO’; there was no way I could ever do such a thing. But, as I shared in my previous blog, my journey of facing my fears and living a life of adventure, not letting my fears hold me back, tapped me on the shoulder. After getting a few details and evaluating how much time I had to prepare physically, I said YES the same day the question was asked. Like the Rip Cord declaration, I believed if I said it out loud, committed by phone text in writing, then I couldn’t back out.
Holger and I began to train a little more intensely than our daily routine of exercise: walking long distances, and going up and down stairs, all while wearing our hiking boots. I tried hard for my mind not to think about the commitment I had made, wondering once again if I had lost my mind, gone a little too far with not allowing fear to hold me back. Fear is an emotion, a good one. It holds us back from also doing stupid things, irresponsible things, that can cause a lot of potential damage. Was this one of them? There is the physical aspect to it: ten days of walking, 6-8 hours a day, and not on flat, smooth ground. Then there is the altitude to think about: what was it going to feel like at over 17,000 feet? On the other hand, what was it that I would miss? The view, the scenery along the way, the majesty of His creation. I love mountains. There is something so breathtaking about them, as though they almost touch heaven; they stand majestic, strong, solid.
Since the Rip Cord experience at Michigan’s Adventure over ten years ago, I have taken on many more challenges. The year our oldest son graduated, we took him for a four-day hike in the Grand Canyon, which was definitely a challenge, down two days, then up two days. I was stretched beyond my limit, yet there was such a sweet victory when I reached the end, such a feeling of accomplishment even through the pain. I also worked on conquering my fear of flying, saying yes to going on mission trips to Peru, visiting my daughter in Thailand and then Nepal, which are very long flight times. I can see that each of these things I said yes to has grown me in so many ways and when reaching the top of Gokyo Mountain on this trek in Nepal, I began to weep.
Why? Because once again God’s strength showed up in my weakness. Through my pain and times when I claimed I could go no further, when I felt like I was barely making any progress, it was like I heard his voice, felt his presence, right beside me cheering me on, pushing me forward, and saying, “We’ve got this! We have traversed much harder terrains, you can do this.” Yes, this is true, I have faced harder trials in my life, and as I stood on top of that mountain it was another victory amongst all the others that I could celebrate and praise God for. The way was hard, similar to some of life’s difficult trials I had walked through, some that I had tried to avoid, tried to go around at all cost not to have to feel the pain, the sting, to only find out it was a temporal avoidance, eventually one has to face it. You see, life is like going on a trek up a mountain with many challenges along the way, but to get to the top one must face them.
The journey is where the growth is at. With each mountain, I have learned more and more about myself, my fears, weaknesses, and strengths. I have left things behind that have hindered my journey and picked things up along the way that have helped me succeed. Mostly, I have learned to lean into God more and more with each step. He is my strength when I am weak. He is my cheerleader, rooting me on and encouraging me to keep on keeping on. And he is my teacher, speaking words of truth into my spirit that I am his beloved, his child and princess. Oh, those words lift my soul and fill my spirit with joy that I yell back, “I love you Abba, Father”.